Twenty minutes before I get to the gym I start farting. It’s a force of nature as strong and reliable as gravity and morons procreating. There appears to be nothing I can do to prevent it, aside from not going to the gym. I tried this approach for four months and now I look like Big Ang. So that’s no longer an option.
Luckily, the other day I discovered a new tactic that has proved to be effective, and that is to position myself next, or as near as possible, to the sweatiest person in the place. Problem solved.