the intern

Why I am avoiding the intern, for the record:

  • I am already aware of her propensity for bad tattoos.
  • I do not have any projects I need her to brutally destroy.
  • I am caught up on all the relationship drama already.
  • I cannot provide any badly needed psychological help or advice, aside from the following: “Quit this job. Please.”
  • I can only be reminded so often how much I like cupcakes.
  • She does not appear to own an outfit that does not highlight her vagina and I have no desire to look at it. Ever.
  • I am fully aware there is coffee. There has been coffee in offices since the beginning of time, or shortly thereafter.
  • If I wanted to be part of a mental breakdown today, I would have taken the day off to stay home and have my own.
  • I do not wish to buy drugs, although that might change by this afternoon.
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