science’s victory over pot smokers

Although the jury is still out on science, it has nevertheless made an astonishing discovery and proved what I have suspected for nearly a decade: “Smoking a lot of weed in adolescence turns burgeoning human people into shiftless idiots.”  I couldn’t have said it better myself and although this report on the study comes from a Jezebel article whose author also seemingly suspects consummate pot smokers lack motivation, professional drive, IQ, a future, potential, overall intelligence, and desire to succeed, among other things (, the study is real.  It has apparently been published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences but I don’t need to read it to know it speaks the truth, and that’s not just because I believe everything I read on Twitter.Besides, drug users of any kind have to be blowing smoke (weed or other) up their own ass to think long-term drug use has no effect.  I certainly have never claimed that my overuse of amphetamines hasn’t resulted in super awesome grades and out-of-this-world academic achievement, or that my abuse of the cat’s prescription muscle relaxers hasn’t caused some weird behavioral shifts and erratic hair growth in abnormal locations.  And now we know that in addition to producing society-leaching hippies, weed also produces idiots.  So, put that in your pipe and smoke it, and then invariably forget you even read this post.

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