t-minus ten hours to trash

Well, I have to admit that I’m disappointed in last night’s Abby & Brittany.  Although abnormal, these girls are boring, and watching 10 minutes of a dinner out with friends that doesn’t involve drugs, booze, or fist fights is not entertaining, however many heads may be on that body.  Thankfully, TLC won’t disappoint tonight in it’s recent spinoff on Toddlers & Tiaras.  By the way, I have long since suspected that Toddlers & Tiaras is in some way related to the Human Centipede trilogy as both theatrical works highlight things that should never be done to living humans.  And on that theme, my new favorite show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, showcases living humans who might as well be human-centipeded together because watching them can’t get any more awesomely disturbing.

In any event, as you well know by now, Here Comes A Fat Little Kid Who Can’t Win A Pageant highlights exactly that, and her family that insists they aren’t white trash (and couldn’t win a pageant either).  Everyone knows if you claim to not be white trash, you most definitely are. It’s like denying it was you who shit the bed.  Everyone knows when they see you washing the sheets at 6 a.m. and dragging the cot to the dumpster.  Anyway, here are a few of the things this family does that are in no way white trash: bobs for pigs’ feet, scavenges road kill for dinner, keeps a pig as a pet, and enters white trash beauty pageants–oh yeah, we covered that.  Pay attention Johnson & Johnson, here is the target market for your special lotions that remove the crust that builds up between two of one’s larger chins.  I’m surprised they don’t use “reusable” toilet paper like the Kauffman’s in Extreme Cheapskates (yea, another TLC series).

Admittedly, there are some things about this family’s life that resonate with me. Coupons are better than sex–I’ve been saying that for years–and if Denver had a Piggy Wiggly, you bet your ass I would shop there.  But probably only to find more content for this blog …  Seriously though, “how many rednecks does it take to tape one baby thing” is a question I have been pondering for years so you can bet I’m tuning in tonight to see if I can finally get the answer.

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