Tonight on the Nothing-Real-About-Them Desperate Housewives of New Jersey:
–Teresa’s hairline merges into her eyebrows, in what proves to be the most joyous reunion this season. Next week, her hairbrows become one with the feather sleeves on her Barbarella-tribute top. Stay tuned.
–Grammar and the English language take their biggest hit since Keanu Reeves starred in Dracula.
–Kathy’s husband, Jeff Goldblum, reminds us what it was like to have an embarrassing dad and Kathy’s son reminds us of Ralph Macchio.
–Dina Manzo reminds us that Dina Manzo was not just a carnivorous dinosaur that lived in the Jurassic age. In fact, she is a carnivorous dinosaur who lives in modern-day New Jersey.
–Kids are fucking idiots and Teresa’s are certainly no exception.
–Joe Giudice is accused of being “smart” for the first time in the history of the universe and Pete Giudice is a douchbag by proxy.
–Teresa illustrates a complete ignorance toward zombies by stating that you can’t stab someone and watch them come back to life. Yeah right.
For a more detailed yet appropriately critical review visit my girl at: realhousewivesrealprofessor.wordpress.com. Somehow, she is able to stay sober enough through these shows to accurately report out while I–at this point–smell like a horse that shit on its tail and have enough booze in my system to kill a small pony.