well, that happened … or so I hear

My quest to figure out exactly what happened this weekend was advanced today. This morning I discovered that, at some point Saturday, I lost a shoe. A boot to be exact, and while I assumed I lost it close to home, I really couldn’t rule anything out. So talk about excitement when I came home tonight and saw my shoe sitting on the community mailbox. Granted, this finding doesn’t shed light on how the fuck I walked into my apartment with only one shoe on or the more obvious question of how the fuck it came off in the first place, but I sure did like those boots so that’s awesome.

I also apparently met the new neighbors Saturday night. This information came from another neighbor who, if he couldn’t already tell I was a mediocre-temperatured mess from my carrying around a boot he found outside his door, must have figured it out when I said I hadn’t met them despite his first-hand witnessing of our meeting. Well, this was certainly news to me and although he asked how I liked them I think the question is more how they liked me because I can’t imagine I conveyed any sort of impression other than the one you’d get from a homeless, drunk hooker who just lost a hooker boot. Nor can I imagine I talked with them about anything more than how drunk I was, or how excited I was by my purple unicorn dick. I’m guessing this conversation was lost on them, similar but different to how it was and is now lost on me …

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