According to H&M’s fashion magazine–which I probably shouldn’t be relying on for any sort of fashion advice worth more than $49.99–there is a “subtle, but … exhilarating, trend” hitting the catwalk this fall. It’s unique, it’s edgy, it’s … wait for it … it’s pants! Yes, pants. In case you aren’t familiar with this must-have, these new fashion items closely resemble the same worn-out and constantly reinvented garment that humans and some small dogs have been wearing for a long time now. Granted, these particular trend-setting pants H&M is showcasing look like they were thrown up on by the 70s and/or bent over and ridden hard by the 80s, but the premise is absolutely the same. Two leg holes, stitched up crotch (important feature), optional pockets, you get it. If what American Dad‘s Stan Smith said about how to spot a lesbian (pants) still holds true, there are going to be some confusing times ahead in light of this trend.
And this, boys and girls, is why I won’t (and don’t) bother wearing pants. Have fun looking like everyone else, while I’m getting arrested for indecent exposure.