On tonight’s episode of Teen Mom (a show we all thought/hoped was over until Honey Boo Boo gets pregnant six months from now) Dr. Drew visits Amber Portwood in prison where she has belonged since the day she was born. She came to prison on account of … umm, I forget because I was too busy wondering why Dr. Drew is orange. I guess he confused this interview and prepped instead for a heart-to-heart with The Situation who, while not in prison at this point, is now as exciting as this chick. Not surprisingly, Amber is fatter and even more unattractive than ever (I know what you’re thinking and yes, it’s possible). During the interview she downloads with Dr. Drew about a bunch of boring stuff and dispels some myths, about which perhaps two or three people in this country were wondering, including whether or not her weight gain is due to her having eaten her cellmate (no) and whether she is now repping the Bloods in prison (unclear).
On a second episode of Teen Mom tonight, America’s dumbest every-day teens ask America’s dumbest celebrity teens menial and, you guessed it, dumb questions about where they are now. The short answer to many stupid questions: nowhere different but richer than you.