Ten years ago, emo smash sensation Taking Back Sunday wrote those lyrics into their hit album Tell All Your Friends, and last night on the ten-year anniversary tour for that album, it appears as if lead singer and (former) teenage heartthrob Adam Lazzara may have indeed just settled–waltzing on stage with a flannel shirt, jean vest, and Charles Mansion beard.
(If you can’t tell them apart, I’ll give you a hint–Charles Mansion didn’t sing.) Apparently age doesn’t treat some people well and upon seeing Lazzara, I quickly found myself regretting not giving him a quarter when he accosted me for change on Colfax just an hour earlier. But, like Mike Ness at the recent Social D show attended by many a male trapezius muscle and hair gel, Lazzara still had it and appearances went out the window as soon as he opened his mouth and wooed everyone there with his teenage-angst ridden crooning.
Boy did my right leg get a workout as I emo/indie rocked it for hours, with both hands strategically placed in my back pockets, all the while starring at the teenage girl in front of me thinking “shit, I hope that isn’t what I look like.” At least my ass wasn’t as big as hers, in fact, from the neck down I looked better than most of the kids there last night, with the exception of the stock sluts that habitually floss their way through all the shows hoping to successfully throw their underwear on stage. I had to feel a little bad for the one who made it, only to have the band refuse to touch it and kick it back into the crowd, spreading God knows what to the already STD-overexposed teens of Denver.
All in all, last night was a complete Tweenage Dream, minus Katy Perry and Justin Bieber. Also absent were these kids’ parents who, for whatever reason, let their kids stay out on a Sunday night, smoking, drinking, and making teenage decisions, which are inherently bad. Speaking of inherently bad decisions, long gone are the days when you knew to never wear the band’s t-shirt to their show and never, ever, under any circumstances, put on a shirt you just bought at the show. The death of this important, long-standing tradition just made it that much easier to spot the real assholes and insecure girls in the crowd, who were all wearing one of four t-shirts–and for that, I am thankful.
A new tradition has taken hold at these shows, involving taking horrible iPhone pictures and instantly uploading them to Facebook or Twitter so all your friends can see a picture of absolutely nothing because the picture is so bad. My friend who was with me last night–the famous and revered photojournalist Thomas Piepert–took a picture of his own, just to show these kids how it should be done.
Thank you for that, Thomas. Take note from a professional, kids.