Last night President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney starred in Girls Gone Wild: Town Hall Edition, during which they bickered with Candy—not the tasty fun kind, the handsome CNN kind. As with the last time around, I have some post-debate thoughts that I can assure you, readers, are generally non-partisan, not meant to offend (most of you, at least), and will not exceed a third-grade intelligence level.
- Neither candidate is capable of staying within time limits which is OK because neither candidate gives a shit about staying within time limits.
- Much to the surprise of the American people, it is Romney who is layin’ pipe these days, not Obama (although his pipe is capable of wrapping around the Earth once). Meow on both accounts!
- Romney makes sure the audience and America know that he runs this shit. He even runs the Olympics; not to be confused with running in the Olympics.
- The undecided voters comprising this Town Hall were boring and predictable, with the exception of Katherine Fenton who was super hot and predictable.
- Both candidates struggled to suppress laughter when considering the issue of equal pay for women, just as I am doing right now. What would I do with all that extra money anyway?
- Office buildings all over the country were found dirty and in disarray this morning, as millions of illegal immigrants decide to self-deport themselves because it’s just the right thing to do.
- Republican greats President Ronald Reagan and President George W. Bush were rolling over in their respective grave and race car bed as their legacies were slammed by both candidates. The GOP party was left wondering “where the fuck did that come from?!” and President George H. W. Bush left thinking “fuck you, Mitt, trickle down works!”
While Governor Romney won the first debate, consensus seems to be that President Obama ran over Romney this time around, while Romney ran all over Candy Crowley and then backed into her a few times to ensure she was dead. Fortunately for Romney, the real loser in this debate was the American people who ran with the stupid “binders full of women” comment faster than Romney could say “fuck you 47%!” If this is the only item that really resonated with the majority of our population, I hope that majority ends up voting for Big Bird this election. Surely he’ll be on the ballot, right next to Gary Johnson.