Happy Halloween! (Winner: Most Original Post Title)

Happy Halloween to all of you out there who have more of a life than I do and will actually be doing something tonight other than feeling sorry for yourself and binge-eating discount candy.  (To be clear, the former will be a direct consequence of the latter.)  It’s always a bit sad to see another Halloween come and go, and with it yet another missed opportunity to dress up in a sexy costume before my body turns to total shit–something I’ve been wanting to do since I was allowed to wear sexy costumes at the age of 30.  I always have the best intentions, along the lines of talking a real good talk and then not even getting off the couch to attempt the walk.  That is a theme in my life–I am nothing if not consistent, and heavily addicted to candy.

The good news about Halloween’s passing is that parent after parent after parent in my office will bring in candy that they deem to be “unnecessary,” “excessive,” or “unhealthy” for their children.  Whatever, pass that shit here and thanks for doing all the hard work, kids!  This candy source can often last right into Thanksgiving’s weight gain–talk about a lucrative supply!  Another plus is that pumpkin beer is not just for Halloween anymore, it’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner straight through to February at which time we switch to hard liquor in preparation for the inevitable disappointment that is Valentine’s Day.  But we’re not there yet, so drink up and if you post or email me photos of you in your Halloween costume, I’ll professionally Cat Paint them for you, drunk.  I know, what an offer.

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