I’m back–well, still alive at least. But I am sad to announce the death of a valiant (not really) effort (that’s stretching it) that I committed to (never intending to fulfill) some time ago (like, last week). I’m quitting WordPress Post A Day. Let’s be real, my commitment to posting daily was on par with my commitment to giving a shit about my appearance at work, which has all but amounted to me walking straight from my bed out the door to work.
It’s really hard to commit to blogging every day. Actually, I guess it’s not that hard to commit to because for me committing doesn’t necessarily mean I plan on following through. But the actual follow through is very difficult. Think about all the things I have to do almost every day, including, but certainly not limited to: having a hearty before-work cry; drafting my resignation letter; typing an email to my coworker about how much I hate him and wish his mental breakdown would occur sooner (tomorrow) rather than later (Tuesday); deleting the email to my coworker because I’d be such a bitch to send that (!); playing ‘who can find the weirdest thing on the internet’ with people equally as bored as me, or by myself; pretending I’m too busy to answer my work phone; over-eating; printing and filing my latest resignation letter with the other letters in a hidden folder in my desk; wondering how long it’s going to take for MTV to upload last night’s episode of Jersey Shore; unscrewing a bolt in the cubicle farm in which I live, but only one at a time; starring into space and then rubbing my eyes in frustration because I’m so bored with being awake; making coffee that I forget to drink before it hits a cool 38 degrees; wondering why my office space heater constantly smells like burnt hair; internet shopping to an excessive degree; listing all the places I’d rather be than wherever I am; and repeating all the above about three more times. Yeah, I know, I’m a super busy person. Add sickness to that, and I’m doomed to fail.
So, instead of failing when I don’t post, I’m going to establish a reward system for when I do. For each post, I’m going to buy myself a bag of candy. And give myself $5, albeit of my own money. This is good news for you readers because my two favorite things on this earth (in addition to booze, parties, long walks in the concrete jungle, cats, videos of cats, screensavers of cats, iPhone cases with cats on them, and cat-lady sweaters) are candy and money. Bottom line: you’ll still be hearing from me often. I know that means a lot, you’re welcome.