my 2012 time crapsule

Let’s give this a shot …  Today’s WordPress Daily Writing Challenge is as follows:

Daily Prompt: Time Capsule

The year is drawing to a close. What would you put in a 2012 time capsule?

First of all, I wouldn’t use a time capsule.  I mean, how 1970s is that?!  Instead, I would hollow out the inside of a Keurig and use that.  Those things are pretty durable and would really say something about the state of technology in 2012.  I mean, the ability to brew just a single cup of coffee for an exorbitant amount of money per cup?!  Absolutely revolutionary.  With that preface, here is my list:

  • A mini shooter of Fireball–Like all things incredible (think Twinkies), I know this stuff won’t last forever, and it would be a discredit of epic proportions to keep this from future finders.  So good when it hits your lips, or whatever it is the future finder uses to get his/her/it’s sauce on.
  • A bag of Haribo Twin Cherries–This one is more than obvious, so I’ll move on.  I will say that there is a good chance the bag will be opened and half empty when I finally get around to putting it in the Keurig.  And if you’re wondering why the same wouldn’t be true of the Fireball, it will be because I carry a larger bottle in my purse at all times.
  • Season 2 of the Jersey Shore–The way things are going, our species won’t be around long and I want to provide the next species with an explanation for our extinction.  If the dinosaurs had left a better history of events, we wouldn’t have these crazy religious nuts declaring they never existed.  Similarly, my nephews would not be able to claim that dinosaurs are a conspiracy to get kids to the museum.  I’ve selected Season 2, which did not occur in 2012, because this year’s seasons sucked a huge, Guido dick, and I wouldn’t want someone associating this year with that travesty.
  • The Bible–Not that one, The Beer Drinker’s Bible.  I have too much respect for beer to leave one in the capsule to potentially not be consumed, but this would be the next best thing and would hopefully help future finders recreate the most miraculous thing on earth.  Maybe not completely indicative of the year 2012, but let’s get real, every year is beer’s year.
  • €20–The Euro may not have long so I might as well hide a variety of notes in the ground that I can dig up and sell 20 years from now when it’s actually worth something.  Wait, I might be confusing that with the American dollar …
  • A small picture book of skinny people and a pair of size 0 skinny jeans–It’s looking more and more (and more and more and more) like obesity is here to stay.  It is tasty, after all.  In anticipation of the mass die out of thin Americans, I want to provide those future finders with a snapshot of what at least some of us looked like in 2012 before we were overrun with diabetes and extra flesh.  R.I.P. truly ‘skinny’ skinny jeans.

There it is, in all it’s mediocre glory.  If it doesn’t impress you, then make your own damn time capsule.  To be honest, any time capsule that I might make at the moment would probably also contain snot and puke because, somehow, someway, I’m still sick.  Hopefully those germs survive the test of time and someday grow into a small alien inside an ugly, bald, space traveler’s stomach.

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2 Comments

  1. jeneralinsanity

    If you’re REALLY lucky, those germs will procreate with the mold from the cherries, and when you open the capsule, your money will have mutated into a delicious cash producing mutant that allows you to become rich beyond your wildest dreams so that you can finally fulfill your childhood dream of taking over the world ‘Pinky and the Brain’ style.
    Oh, wait. Never mind. That’s my goal. Either way – it could create some new sort of being that you would get to name because you invented/discovered it.
    Congratulations on creating new life. If it tries to eat me, I’m totally kicking your ars.

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