I have been sick now for 31 days, 16 hours, and 15 minutes–or something around that–and you all know this very well because I’ve spared no opportunity to bitch about it on this blog. For the last four to five weeks, Cats In Your Pants has been more like Frogs In Your Lungs, and for that, dear readers, I am sorry. I assure you, the reign of whining and complaining is almost over–well, at least as far as being sick is concerned.
My symptoms these last five weeks have included, at various times, the following: sore throat, runny nose, stuffy nose, excessive drinking, headache, severe cough, vomiting (in my mouth because of the cough), binge-gummy eating, irritated family, acute whining, ear aches, single-person parties with Sizzurp (a.k.a. purple drank, lean, syrup, Texas Tea, purple jelly), chronic bitching, dizziness (non-medicine induced), dizziness (medicine-induced), dizziness (alcohol induced), fluid in the ears, loss of voice, irritated roommates, unreasonable spending on non-heath care related items, pressure in the ears, irritated friends, loss of hearing, stomach sickness, scratchy not-so-sexy smoker voice, particularly feminine and irrational emotional breakdowns (some on the couch and some on the floor), and sore ribs from coughing. I know, it’s been a wild ride.
Fortunately, five weeks later and probably three weeks too late I went to the doctor and left with a diagnosis, prescription, and fancy face mask to protect others from my “active cough,” which I learned today is a “persistent and continuous cough.” Anyway, the diagnosis is a melange of infections and the prescription is diarrhea for two weeks. Actually, the prescription is for an antibiotic but the only memorable moments I have from past antibiotic use is persistent and continuous diarrhea–perhaps that might be called active diarrhea? I don’t know, whatever the medical term for it, I call it absolute hell and would almost rather have my eardrum burst and run down into my sinuses, aggravating my infection and resulting cough. But, I am guessing it will provide some interesting blog posts so I’m going to go ahead and do it. Kidding, I wouldn’t dare blog about such a disgusting, and personal, topic and experience–poop in the pants is about as far as I take it.
I do have standards, which may surprise and/or shock at least one of you who thinks I’m an enormous pile of vomit/poop/drunk trash. Well, January is going to be a shitty month (pun intended) but I do aim to rise above at least the poop and vomit stigma that I have arguably gained over the last four months. The New Year will usher in a new Eleanor and a new Cats In Your Pants. Gone will be the days of blogs about vomit, drinking, sickness, childish behavior, and mayhem. Actually, if that were the case, I wouldn’t have a readable blog, so I take that all back. If you aren’t interested in any of those topics, stop reading my blog and I’ll buy you a subscription to Good Housekeeping and ship you a box of tampons.