I am SO sorry for my unannounced absence these last two weeks! Sometimes you just have to take a vacation, get out there, and enjoy the freedom of living life day-to-day. What I mean by that, of course, is that I am still sick and, at this point, simply enjoying being alive because there isn’t much else going on with this body that I can speak about in a positive manner. As you may remember from my “November & Not Getting Better” and “I Don’t Want to Die December” theme, in addition to a few select “Just End it Now! January” episodes, I’ve been sick for awhile. A month ago it was a sinus infection and an ear infection. Well, not being one to outdo myself (I am always trying to outdo myself), I’ve stepped it up a bit, and at least half of my body is now bringing its A-game.
Liver: Something’s got to give here, I just can’t handle it anymore. Hey, did you hear me, I need help! Wake up, losers!
Sinuses: Alright, we’re on it, calm the fuck down. Pussy.
Liver: You try living a day in my alcohol-soaked shoes, assholes!
Sinuses: Whatever, same story, different day. We’ve got it covered. Damn, this shit is gross. Make more!
Ears: Hey dudes, can I help, can I help, can I help!?!?!?
Sinuses: Jesus, no, get out of here.
Ears: You never let me hang out, what’s the deal, bro?
Sinuses: We don’t need you, lesser organ. Bow down and move out.
Ears: Screw you guys, I’m done playing nice. I can get infected too. It’s high time you get off your high horse, you’re not the king of this body!
Breasts: That title is taken.
Sinuses: Huh, I see what you’re doing over there, Ears. Bring it, bitch!
Ears: How you like me now?!
Throat: Hey guys, this blows, knock it off!
Liver: I’m not sure this is working, she’s just drinking more.
Sinuses: Give it time. We know how to party.
Upper Respiratory System: Whatever, dickwads. I’ll see your sinus and ear infections and raise you bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection. Amateurs.
Throat: Guys, no joke, this has to end. I’ve got yellow on one end and green on the other. Not fucking cool!
Bladder: Pardon me, but I wish to inform you that I am not equipped to handle these massive spasms. Please refrain from this behavior or risk leakage.
Throat: This is NOT my bad! None of this is my bad! Knock it OFF!
Lungs: Maybe it’s time to cool it, I’m having a bit of trouble with this breathing issue. Might I remind you, that can be problematic.
Sinuses, Ears, and Upper Respiratory System: You guys are huge, huge pussies.
It’s like a Spanish novella meets animated children’s video of how our bodies work. And for those of you who don’t speak Spanish, happy Pie Chart Friday.