Dear Readers,

I am SO sorry for my unannounced absence these last two weeks! Sometimes you just have to take a vacation, get out there, and enjoy the freedom of living life day-to-day.  What I mean by that, of course, is that I am still sick and, at this point, simply enjoying being alive because there isn’t much else going on with this body that I can speak about in a positive manner.  As you may remember from my “November & Not Getting Better” and “I Don’t Want to Die December” theme, in addition to a few select “Just End it Now! January” episodes, I’ve been sick for awhile.  A month ago it was a sinus infection and an ear infection.  Well, not being one to outdo myself (I am always trying to outdo myself), I’ve stepped it up a bit, and at least half of my body is now bringing its A-game.

Liver:  Something’s got to give here, I just can’t handle it anymore.  Hey, did you hear me, I need help!  Wake up, losers!

Sinuses:  Alright, we’re on it, calm the fuck down.  Pussy.

Liver:  You try living a day in my alcohol-soaked shoes, assholes!

Sinuses:  Whatever, same story, different day.  We’ve got it covered.  Damn, this shit is gross.  Make more!

Ears:  Hey dudes, can I help, can I help, can I help!?!?!?

Sinuses:  Jesus, no, get out of here.

Ears:  You never let me hang out, what’s the deal, bro?

Sinuses:  We don’t need you, lesser organ.  Bow down and move out.

Ears:  Screw you guys, I’m done playing nice.  I can get infected too.  It’s high time you get off your high horse, you’re not the king of this body!

Breasts:  That title is taken.

Sinuses:  Huh, I see what you’re doing over there, Ears.  Bring it, bitch!

Ears:  How you like me now?!

Throat:  Hey guys, this blows, knock it off!

Liver:  I’m not sure this is working, she’s just drinking more.

Sinuses:  Give it time.  We know how to party.

Upper Respiratory System:  Whatever, dickwads.  I’ll see your sinus and ear infections and raise you bronchitis and an upper respiratory infection.  Amateurs.

Throat:  Guys, no joke, this has to end.  I’ve got yellow on one end and green on the other.  Not fucking cool!

Bladder:  Pardon me, but I wish to inform you that I am not equipped to handle these massive spasms.  Please refrain from this behavior or risk leakage.

Sphincter:  Ditto!

Throat:  This is NOT my bad!  None of this is my bad!  Knock it OFF!

Lungs:  Maybe it’s time to cool it, I’m having a bit of trouble with this breathing issue.  Might I remind you, that can be problematic.

Sinuses, Ears, and Upper Respiratory System:  You guys are huge, huge pussies.

It’s like a Spanish novella meets animated children’s video of how our bodies work.  And for those of you who don’t speak Spanish, happy Pie Chart Friday.

PCF 1-25-13




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