Pie Chart Friday: Heart Ache edition

I have never before experienced a Valentine’s Day that left me as devastated and destroyed as I am right now.  I’m absolutely beside myself.  I don’t know how it all went so wrong.  I obviously shouldn’t have put it all out there, leaving myself as vulnerable as I did.  If I had been smart and guarded myself like usual, I probably wouldn’t be suffering through this excruciating, gut-wrenching, and miserable heart ache burn that I am now.  I obviously ate far too much candy.

Until this morning I didn’t know one could suffer from a candy hangover, but you can and I wouldn’t put this on my worst enemy.  I feel like I’m having, making, made, remaking—whatever—a high fructose corn syrup baby deep in the recesses of my stomach and if I breathe too fast, I risk giving birth.  Conversely, if I cough too deep, I face the same risk.  Like an alcohol-induced hangover, I am filled with regret and worry over the events of yesterday.  My anxiety level is an 11 but the only thing I can sweet, oops, I mean sweat out, is sugar.  I am in hell and this misery shows no signs of abating.

I shouldn’t be surprised … I knew I came in too hot yesterday with the candy binging.  I’ve finally pieced things together, to the extent I am able, and the picture I’m getting is one of sugary regret.  In honor of Pie Chart Friday (but because I can’t think about pie without nearly vomiting), here is a non-pie chart breakdown of the mess that was my Valentine’s Day and the corresponding level of regret that I feel (on a scale of 1 to 10 because this one doesn’t go to 11).  Coincidentally, the level of regret is directly proportional to the strength of the gag reflex I experience when thinking about each binging mouthful.

post-Vday

You must be disgusted.  Don’t worry—I would be too if I wasn’t already disgusting.

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4 Comments

  1. Carl

    I’ve had food poisoning these last two days, and only three things got me through it: condensed tomato soup, orange juice, and Haribo gummi bears. Now I can finally eat normal; that is, donuts.

    On another thought, isn’t a bar graph like candy bars? By the way, Happy Cheap Candy Day. The next will be after Easter, followed by the day after Halloween.

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