Summer 2013 is the summer of love, at least for a few of my friends whose long-awaited weddings are finally occurring. Single-lady cynicism aside, weddings are my time to shine–on the dance floor, at least. No one makes 6 inch heels and the Chicken Dance look sexier and more inappropriate than I, which is why everyone loves me at
weddings wedding receptions.
At these particular weddings, I will be accompanied by predominately male friends who will inevitable drop the “ehh, I don’t dance, sorry” line as soon as the floor opens up, forcing me to Jersey Turnpike random chicks who are trying to dance with their small children. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it before and would do it again, but it’s so much more fun to dance with people whose names you know and/or could guess at. So, thinking strategically, I have decided to be proactive and teach my man friends how to dance before the event, so that their only excuse for not dancing at the actual wedding is diarrhea from the tuna hors d’oeuvre.
Now, if you’ve ever tried to teach a grown man to dance, you’ve most likely been unsuccessful. I certainly have in the past, but I’ve thought through a new approach that I am certain will work, influenced by the fact that I have been listening to A Flock of Seagulls all weekend. My absolute favorite song in their impressive repertoire is Space Age Love Song and lucky for me–and soon to be lucky for my dude friends–the video to this song is practically a primer for how to dance.
I was still shitting my drawers when this video was released but I am certain that somewhere, somehow, I caught sight of it at an early age because on a dance floor, the resemblance between these guys and me is uncanny–the only difference being that I subscribe to the one-hand-in-pocket hipster modification; also, I cannot snap.
So, with this video as inspirational guidance and an obscene amount of booze, El the Instructor is on the move with her dance pants.