This month, schools across the nation go into Spring Break and based on the number of prepubescent angst-ridden tweens awkwardly banging heaters on the street corner, Spring Break in my town has begun. Of course, you all know what that means for the rest of us!
But I guess I can’t complain, eons ago I, too, used to celebrate Spring Break by [insert fun activity] with [insert imaginary friends] on the beach of [insert popular destination]. Sigh … those were the good old days.
These days the only way I get to spend Spring Break is by secretly wearing shorts to work and enjoying the Bud Light Lime-a-rita that I have hidden in the “World’s Best Dad” coffee mug that I stole downstairs from someone who is probably not the world’s best dad or even in the running for County’s Pretty Decent Dad. Or, I could wait until Happy Hour like everyone else but I have never done things like everyone else, just ask all those Barbies without heads that my mom confiscated from me when I was 10. I’m a creeper, what can I say.
Also, as I detected from Whole Food’s hot food bar and the all but one non-green item on it, St. Patrick’s Day is this weekend. That’s always the best time that you can never remember, but this year I think it should be the best week you can never remember, almost like Spring Break but with green poop. So, starting Sunday, I am hereby celebrating St. Patrick’s Break, during which I will capitalize on all the St. Patrick’s Day sale items at liquor and grocery stores across town. I will also drink, in case that was not already abundantly clear. Good, and green, times are ahead of us my friends.