thank you, I think …

I started this blog immediately after quitting Facebook, primarily as a means through which to ensure that my emotionally charged neuroses have an outlet that is not my office or my shitty, over-priced, and dog-shit ridden apartment complex.  See, an outburst on par with those I am capable of having could send me to jail in those environments and from what I hear, you don’t make money in jail and you can’t have your cat come with you.  I like money; I love cats.  I need both to keep myself on the fast track to Fancytown, so I turned to the internet, where raving lunatics shine.  And indeed, shit’s getting sparkly over here.

Consider Delicatessen Magazine from my very own hometown, who gave me what I’m reading to be a glowing recommendation:

Delicatessen magazine

I’ll forgive them for posting anything with Shaun White’s picture on it, and pass along my sincere thanks for being included in this post.  My ultimate goal is to make people laugh and if I have to out myself as an irresponsible, inappropriate, potentially too heavy a drinker, shit show to Sloppytown, then so be it.

I do come across a bit different in real life.  For example, I’m super hot, career oriented, very successful, fiercely independent, and can at least pass as professional when I need to–so why not blog about that?  Well, it’s fucking boring really, really, really fucking boring. Also, in an interesting twist, I just recently spent some time sober.  It was more than just a few days and–wait for it–I did it on purpose!  The problem is, know what I did during that time?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  No wait, I did do something, I went to the mall and ended up spending $56 on tea.  Aside from being incredibly stupid and a colossal waste of money, this is one of the most boring stories I have ever had the displeasure to recount.

So, long story short, my local friends at Delicatessen mag–let me know when, instead of restaurants, you want to start trying all of the area’s new breweries.  I can guarantee no matter where we would go, I will have been there but may not remember it so it will kind of be like my first time.  Not that first time …

 

 

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