For a moment there, I forgot this whole blogging thing actually required me to do something aside from surfing the internet all day at work and having in-depth philosophical conversations with my cat in the evenings, usually while he is licking his ass and/or ripping holes in my couches. So my apologies to anyone out there who has missed my colorful–in many ways–pie charts over the last few weeks. I know, as if.
But truth be told, recently I’ve been busy doing other, perhaps more meaningful things, depending on one’s perspective. (From my perspective, nothing is more meaningful than a good pie chart on a lazy Friday afternoon, but certain people disagree and I’ve been answering to those types of people of late.) Recent developments have included:
-A New Job: That’s right, I have confirmed that there are a few people out there stupid enough to entrust me with responsibility and money, and fortunately for me, I located some of them. On the downside, I regret to report that the battle between getting a job that I find fulfilling and one that fills my bank account has been lost. In fact, there really was no battle, the money rode in on a white horse (also made of money) and ideology and personal fulfillment didn’t stand a chance. Sort of like politics… I will, of course, erect a monument for them in my home, made from solid white gold. I would be lying if I didn’t feel a tad bit disappointed in how quickly and easily I sold out. I know money doesn’t buy happiness but it does buy transportation to and from exotic locations at which one would have a very hard time not being happy. You can also buy cats with money, so I guess money does buy happiness–albeit of the allergy-ridden and vomit-filled sort. Money also buys lots of beer–take that poverty.
-Breast Cancer: I cannot convey how truly unfortunate it has been that in these last few weeks, during which time I should have had all attention on Angelina Jolie’s tits, I have been preoccupied with the tits of another. Fortunately, I now have the time and mindset to direct all attention where it is due, and will be madly searching the internet for images of Mrs. Pitt’s boobs. Plus, there was the blue urine which was an unexpected treat.
Early detection really is the difference between life and death, and that concludes my serious thought for 2013.
-Apartments Wars: In addition to losing my idealistic drive to do good in the world, I also lost my battle to get out of my lease early, which means months of bitching via this blog and many a pie chart to come, representing my plans for tormenting the neighbors and leasing company during my extended period of transition out of this layer of hell. Money has won again, because I would rather burn $4000 and/or buy the Dollar Store down the street before giving these assholes a windfall. In the next few months, I could use all the help I can get here because despite what you may think about me by now, I can only generate so many ridiculous and disturbing ways to be a pain in the ass. My imagination only goes so far, even though “so far” is nowhere within the realm of normal. I’m OK with that, obviously.
-Exercise: I’ve been doing it and can say that it still blows hard. Fortunately, I have a new and very strong motivator, and that is working toward being able to lift my new Brita Water Filter out of the refrigerator. Sometimes hitting rock bottom is all it takes. So watch out, water filter, I’m hoping to be able to use you sometime in the next year.