I’ve gotten some good deals on Groupon and helped
screw over jump start numerous businesses around the area by investing in these deals. Once Groupon started offering goods, I developed a healthy collection of junk that I didn’t need and/or know I wanted, including this:
Although this is clearly a must-have in any woman’s purse (presumably stored within a leak-proof container), I have so many questions, putting aside the obvious.
- Do these retail for $34.62 each or is it always buy one get one
- If they are reusable (gross), why the need for two?
- Where the hell are these 990 plus women planning on pissing in these?
- Who is responsible for this very impressive and shiny backdrop and mirrored display? Watch out Glamour Shots, this picture makes me want to play some R. Kelly and go to town on this.
Unfortunately, the detailed description of the Lady Elegance P EZ only heightened my intrigue and, I admit, raised some concerns.
- First of all, I remember learning some time ago that the practical difference between men and women is that the former likes sports and the latter likes to spend beyond their means. Confusion ensues!
- Assuming a woman can develop the comfort level required for a first attempt at standing and peeing (on purpose), where does this subsequent sanitization come from? Nevermind, this obviously occurs at the unsanitary facilities of a festival, sporting event, or campground. Reason 7,419 why I don’t camp, attend sporting events, or go to festivals sober.
- Groupon has always attempted to be witty but I find nothing funny about suggesting a small port-a-potty be placed atop my head, or that this urine-encrusted contraption can double as a lacrosse basket. I would have to think that the men and lesbians who play this game would also be offended by this ludicrous suggestion.
To be clear, I did not end up ordering this although I definitely should have, and this regret has manifested itself subconsciously in the dream I had the other night in which I peed standing up into an upright piano at my boss’s house. I was embarrassed–obviously–but wouldn’t have been as much so if I’d had this device to prevent piss from coating my light blue chambray pants.