it’s the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer!

No, it’s not, but close–it’s the fucking Aspen Food & Wine Classic!  What’s so classic about it?  I have no idea, but I’m about to find about because me and my bestie (pictured below) are headed up there bright and early tomorrow morning to make a bunch of rich people regret attending this year’s event.

Aspen 1

I’ve never been to Aspen before, which is a huge shame because she and I have a lot of fun partying in places we have no business being.  It’s going to be an action-packed weekend of food, wine, and classic Eleanor and Ellen activities like these:

Aspen 3

While good times are on the horizon, I’m having some serious anxiety over this weekend, expressed below in the form of–yes it’s Friday–a pie chart.

Aspen 2

 

Anxieties aside, alcohol will prevail and this weekend will go down in the history books, of that, I am sure.  After all, I may be too poor, fat, and old for this shit, but you’re never too much of any of those to projectile vomit on a celebrity’s back.

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