I find it an unfortunate characteristic of our society that certain activities come with an acceptable time frame within which to perform them–and an unacceptable one as well. Work stands out as one of the most annoying, since, for most of us, attendance is expected between the hours of 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. Monday through Friday. How inconvenient! Granted, attending work and actually working are two completely separate functions–a division that I both understand well and appreciate in practice. But working on a Saturday in lieu of a Tuesday just doesn’t have the same ring to it, at least for my bosses.
Similarly, enjoying a cup of soup and side salad at 8 a.m. puts some people off. Certainly not me, because I’m the one quite obviously enjoying that soup and side salad before my morning coffee, but what’s the deal with type-casting breakfast with “breakfast foods”? Hypocrisy abounds, because breakfast seems to be taking over dinner in some circles, and not just the poor ones. I wish that were the case for dessert, but it’s gotten a bad rap thanks to obesity and a contagious lack of self-control.
All of this used to be the case for booze but thankfully someone (even before me) discovered the joy of popping a cold one in the wee morning hours. Not that I do this, but if I were to, I would probably mix in some orange juice, to lend it the trappings of legitimacy. After all, people have orange juice in the morning. With their breakfast.
So, you’ve got these activities and the notions of appropriateness that accompany them, which generally haven’t ever been a problem for me. Like Austin Powers, I too (too) like to live dangerously, which is why I surprised myself (you’d think it would happen more often but you’d be wrong) when I paused this morning, and second guessed the activity I was about to undertake. I just couldn’t seem to come to grips with whether or not 9:30 a.m. was too early to watch Event Horizon.
Remember that movie? I sure as shit do, even though I only made it through half of it in the theater, and half of that time was spent with my head between my knees, wondering if eating an entire tub of popcorn would help with the nausea. Yes, I have always been a rabid eater, and no, it didn’t help. That was 1997. This is 2013. It’s been I-can’t-do-the-math-number-of years and I still haven’t worked up the nerve to give it another go, despite now having four years under my belt living with a horror-film fanatic. But that was all about to change when I woke up this morning and decided I was going to do it. Until, well, until I starting thinking that 9:30 a.m. is way too fucking early to watch Event Horizon!!
I usually haven’t even had my cup of soup by that time, which might just be a good approach in anticipation of watching that film, but I still have to think popcorn would be better, even at 9:30 a.m. Anyway, it seemed too early, maybe because vomiting before 10 a.m. definitely isn’t appropriate, unless you’re a baby, and then everything seems to be appropriate–a proposition that I find inappropriate. Event Horizon and babies are both at about the same level in terms of enjoyment for me, but that’s digressing to another blog post that I will be sure to write a.s.a.p. At least Event Horizon is only one hour and 36 minutes long. I’ll stop.
I want your input on whether I need to wake up tomorrow morning and watch this movie, or whether I should save it for lunchtime. Because there is no better way of calling attention to a mediocre blog than highlighting it’s mediocre readership, I’m conduct a poll. I’ll make a graph out of it if you vote, I promise. Or, I won’t make a graph out of it, if that’s the better enticement. You decide. I don’t care.