stigmatic. stupid. stitches.

Jesus gave up on me long ago, and that’s only if—big if—he even had an interest in me after I defecated all over the doctor who delivered me some undisclosed number of years ago. I don’t think it gets any more ‘mark of the beast’ than that. So, there has never really been a religious […]

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Dear Sirs:

The only thing I hate more than working is looking for another place to work. I’m not 15 anymore, so my standards for employment are a bit higher than $5.50/hr, a plastic name tag, and two company aprons.  Specifically, I’m looking for at least $10 an hour and I’ll wear any company fringe required. I […]

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Now call it a comeback.

Guess who’s back!  Fortunately it’s not Eminem despite MTV and local radio protests to the contrary. Much like the Razor Scooter on college campuses across the country, I have returned, which may not exactly be a top shelf news item but is potentially worthy of some attention nonetheless. I’ve spent the last few wintery months hibernating […]

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Merry Bitchmas!

Hello there!  You know what day it is … yep, it’s the day that America’s shitty humans forget how to operate their motor vehicles, but nevertheless take to the nation’s roads and highways in droves.  Oh, and it’s Christmas, too. Merry Christmas, but back to the point. What is it about this time of year that causes […]

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a carpenter’s dream

I have vivid memories from childhood of other kids calling me a carpenter’s dream–you know, flat as a board and stiff as a nail. But once I hit puberty–or, more aptly, once it hit me–that claim could be made no more. Unless, as I now suspect, a carpenter’s dream is also a hot chick with […]

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