catrimony

I’m being hounded by weddings, married people, pregnant people, happy people—people who I have basically nothing in common with because I’m perpetually miserable, want misery for others, and would prefer to choke a kid rather than play with one. At one point not too long ago, I was talking about marrying myself.  I found an […]

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my bike

Dear Diary, The new bike I ordered should be in and assembled tomorrow.  I could not be more excited. I figured it was time to get something lighter, faster, and more amenable to riding longer distances. Just kidding, I only bought it in an attempt to look cool. I picked up those other excuses on […]

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insomnia

I’ve developed a healthy case of insomnia lately and am slowly going fucking insane.  As you can see from this chart I prepared in advance of my performance review, my work is suffering. I am prepared to create an improvement plan for the productivity and communication issues.  The professionalism, well, it’s a work in progress […]

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Breaking Bad 8/5/12

Well, last night Breaking Bad delivered another tribute to the power of meth and money, with the producers killing off Jesse Pinkman and Walt Jr.  Kidding. The takeaways from last night’s blatantly Chrysler-sponsored episode: Heisenberg is back and remains incapable of shaving his head without injury; we learn that a Pontiac Aztek is only worth […]

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I’ve got a case of …

Things I regret doing this Monday: Getting up Eating four gummy multivitamins Irresponsible texting (with clothes on) Speaking to the intern, about anything at all Listening to Flock of Seagulls’ “Space Age Love Song” that 20th time Walking into the locker room just as the fat girl (not me) got naked Expecting my boss to […]

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