good news from Cadillac

Thanks to breakthroughs in automotive technology, Cadillac’s new “Safety Alert Seat” is capable of delivering short pulses through the seat to warn of potential hazards.  What does this mean in lay terms for gentleman buyers?  Basically, the all-new Cadillac XTS will vibrate your taint immediately before you get into an accident.  Best.  $50,000.  Ever. Advertisements

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wow, TLC, wow

Last night I had the pleasure–that doesn’t sound right–of catching the season premier of TLC’s The Big Tiny.  It’s the last word in that title that sums up the premise. A show about smaller individuals (dwarfs, sorry) is not necessarily unique.  MTV has probably been there and done that, and Hollywood certainly showcases the best […]

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catrimony

I’m being hounded by weddings, married people, pregnant people, happy people—people who I have basically nothing in common with because I’m perpetually miserable, want misery for others, and would prefer to choke a kid rather than play with one. At one point not too long ago, I was talking about marrying myself.  I found an […]

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my bike

Dear Diary, The new bike I ordered should be in and assembled tomorrow.  I could not be more excited. I figured it was time to get something lighter, faster, and more amenable to riding longer distances. Just kidding, I only bought it in an attempt to look cool. I picked up those other excuses on […]

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insomnia

I’ve developed a healthy case of insomnia lately and am slowly going fucking insane.  As you can see from this chart I prepared in advance of my performance review, my work is suffering. I am prepared to create an improvement plan for the productivity and communication issues.  The professionalism, well, it’s a work in progress […]

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