this one’s for you, 35A

This one time in band camp, and by band camp I mean the first of two back-to-back eight-hour flights, I got food poisoning and after six hours of monopolizing the full set of economy class lavatories, and being quizzed about which diseases, exactly, could I have picked up on my trip, I found myself at […]



I’m being hounded by weddings, married people, pregnant people, happy people—people who I have basically nothing in common with because I’m perpetually miserable, want misery for others, and would prefer to choke a kid rather than play with one. At one point not too long ago, I was talking about marrying myself.  I found an […]